That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
