I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
