Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
