Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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