Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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