I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
