I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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