And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
