soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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