i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
