Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
