My ATM looks so different sober.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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