I am puke
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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