so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
