how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
