She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
