Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A+ Viking dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
