I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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