1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
