38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't deserve a penis
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
