I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
