does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
