those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
