Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
