Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
