woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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