I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
