I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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