At least make sure they are 18
Why
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
