I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You smell like stripper and shame
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I love you. Go after that dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
