Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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