how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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