we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
