I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
