i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
