today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
