She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
