so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
