every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
