I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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