chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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