Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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