Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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