im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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