I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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