eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
