I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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