How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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