i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
