I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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