i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
