I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
