I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
