Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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