Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
